My friend and fellow Emissary of the Strange, Jonathan (@crimnos) tagged me to participate in #luckyseven. The rules of the #luckyseven are simple:
- Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript
- Go to line 7
- Post on your blog the next 7 lines or sentences – as they are!!
- Tag 7 other people to do the same
This is my first tag as a blogger and an awesome chance to show off seven sentences from some works. I selected from three works, all of them at different stages of editing. What I discovered is that the more I edit, the shorter and more coherent my sentences get. For my third selection, I’ll show you seven sentences before and after one round of editing. There be dragons in the unedited version! Bad sentences, with a hint of unintentional plagiarism. See if you can spot the phrase that rightfully belongs to another, very awesome author – and note that I get rid of it in the first pass revision!
As for my seven tagged individuals, many of these are folks from the #WIP500. I do not know all of them well, but they are actively writing and pursuing the perfect sentence. I’d love to see what they’re up to!
- Sandra Dehelen @dehelen
- J Aric Keith @sirkeystone
- Rob Sharkey Pruneda @sharkbaitwrites
- Mari Biella @maribiealla1
- Angie Richmond @write_me_happy
- Wakefield Mahon @wakefieldmahon
- Hunter Shea @huntershea1
Stolen Climates is a published work and in its final state.
They sat in silence, both of them looking at Linnae. She had wrapped her doll’s head with a blanket. One eye looked out, the lid drooped in sly knowledge.
“Are you feeling up to happy hour?” Malcolm asked.
“I’m already there,” Genny said.
“Maybe tomorrow we could ask Olivia to watch Laney for a little while, spend a little time just the two of us.”
“I’m not leaving my daughter with that creepy witch.”
Goat Song for a Joshua Tree
GSfaJT has been through several edits, but not formally sent to an editor (yet).
I crouch to relieve myself in the blue bin. Death has his hands on my ankles. His thumb joints rub my Achilles tendon.
My voice echoes around and around in my concrete box, ringing like chimes as it shatters my glass self. I am less than what I was. I am an animal, a caged animal.
Raw, Unedited WIP “Fluffy”
Fluffy is absolutely unedited. Here’s a glimpse of what I suffer through when I write the first draft:
She froze; from the room came the papery abuse of shopping bags being hurled onto the bed. The television was tuned to a dead channel, hissing and hissing at the ringing phone jangling from the nightstand. Cold air poured from around the seams of the door, tendrils of unnatural frigidity unrelated to the intense heat of the cranked-up heater. Kirin’s fingers found the cardkey. She clicked shut her purse. It coincided with the thump of a gunshot muffled by a pillow.
First Revision WIP “Fluffy”
She froze, one hand in her purse. From inside the room came the papery abuse of shopping bags being hurled onto the bed. Cold air poured from the seams of the door, tendrils of unnatural frigidity. There! In a side pocket she felt the smooth plastic of her card key, the one thing she couldn’t afford to leave behind. Kirin clicked shut her purse. It coincided with the thump of a gunshot muffled by a pillow.
Please follow my writing friends, and hop on over to Jonathan’s site, Shaggin’ the Muse to check out his #luckyseven!
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I love this post.
I am also impressed at the way you can break things down and organize them in an elegant and cohesive manner so they not only help you, but the readers as well.
This is NOT my strong point.
So thank you for keeping this simple yet quite useful for me 🙂
I like the way you write, Aniko.
You’re always so encouraging! I appreciate it, and am glad that you found the post helpful. Looks like we have some mutual admiration around our writing, because I like the way you write, too!
This is cool! I will read it to my Dad today as we telephonically “celebrate” his 92nd birthday. Thanks for the gift, Aniko!
Thanks for bringing me along to the birthday celebration! XOXO. And happy birthday to the birthday boy!
Thanks for tagging me! I really enjoyed reading your pieces. Keep up the fabulous work 🙂
Thank you! I’m about to spend the evening with a non-stop intake of coffee and try to write the final scenes in my WIP. Fingers crossed!
I think you have demonstrated the optimal result of this meme: the fact that it doesn’t necessarily matter WHERE you pull something from your writing, it’s still interesting reading. I guess any section of our stories should have something about it that makes a reader want to know more, right? I think you got it.
Paul D. Dail
http://www.pauldail.com- A horror writer’s not necessarily horrific blog
Thank you very much for the compliment! I was wondering if a random section of sentences would have any interest and I’m glad you think they do. I know when I have a paper book, I’ll open to a random spot in the middle to see if I am interested enough to read from the beginning. Next time I’ll go right for page 77!
Writing, as in life, takes on many iterations before you really know the story behind what has happened, is happening, or will happen. Taking the time to reflect on the events in your life is a good cognate for taking the time to review and revise your work. You could take take your writing at face value and not edit, but you would be leaving the first “un-reflected on” story there, which usually isn’t the best interpretation of the words on the page.
The un-revised story is not a story worth reading, as it were! I agree. In addition, I love revision! I like to build resonance, and that’s something that only comes with careful reflection and difficult decisions.
Thanks for stopping by, Z!! And thanks for taking me to see Cabin in the Woods. If any of you are still waiting on it, go see it. Well done meta-horror, nice examination of the genre, very original!